Belief

[starrika]

Title: Belief
Fandom: Chronicles of Narnia
Claim: None
Status: Complete
Rating: PG
Summary: Susan has seen God, but it is easier to say she doesn't believe.
Warnings: None.


Susan has seen God, but it is easier to say she doesn’t believe.

It is easier to cake her face with powder and slick her lips bright red, trying to paint over the Queen she once was.

It is easier to dismiss Narnia as make believe and children’s games, and silence the aching of her heart with parties and dances and boys in uniforms. When the band plays loud enough, it can almost silence the Narnian waltzes she hears in her heart.

It is easier to skip services at school and fumble with cigarettes that still make her cough behind the Maths wing than breathe in the still air that is almost as pure as the heaven she once breathed.

It is easier to go out each night, pretending to be gay and carefree, than stay at home and see the anguished eyes of Peter mirror the sadness in her own.

And when Lucy and Edmund tell excited tales of another adventure in Narnia, it is easier to dismiss it as something that never really existed.

For Susan has seen God reject her, and it is easier to say that she hasn’t.